He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
