i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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