my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
