Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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