she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
