So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I would ride that face into the sunset
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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