we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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