The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
