You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
