Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
