I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
