i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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