i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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