There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
