Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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