I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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