So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
