We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
