she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
