If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
