Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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