so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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