Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
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we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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