Christians are straight up FREAKS
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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