We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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