i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
