my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
