I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize