I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
