i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
