can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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