im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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