Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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