I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
