she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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