"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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