Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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