Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
