I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
