just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
