it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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