Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I didn't notice because vodka
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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