Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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