peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
