my vag is so smooth its legendary
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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