Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
