I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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