If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
