Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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