I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yo dont text me then not text me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
