It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Panties = found
Randomize
