It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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