Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
