Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
