At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize