Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
