At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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