I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
