the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
