So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
