Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
