He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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