Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
