I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
