I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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