Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
