Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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