I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
its liver damage thursday
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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