you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
